NFL Top 10 Truth Rankings Week 3

  1. Texans (3-0) – : Told ya they were the best team in the NFL. They continue to be through Week 3. God Tier in all three phases. First 3-0 start in franchise history, would ya look at that.
  2. Giants (2-1) +1 :  Don’t act like you didn’t pick the Panthers for TNF. G-Men made all of us look pretty dumb. Thursday showcased the Panthers’ shortcomings more than the Giant’s fortitude. An awful display by Carolina.
  3. Ravens (2-1) +3 :  Say what you will about the scabs on this one but the Patriots were really reaching in the secondary most of this game. The Ravens looked and played better all-around there wasn’t much denying that. Did I mentioned the girl sitting in front of me at the season opener had the greatest ass? Under Armour pants all day, bebe. Gotta love Body More.
  4. 49ers (2-1) -2 : Tell me Frank Gore’s going to average 5 yards a carry in any game and I’ll tell you San Fran has it in the bag. The play calling personnel apparently figured Ponder wasn’t going to do shit and Harbaugh fucked this game all up despite being rewarded for it in the final minutes. It’s the new modern day NFL, guys.
  5. Falcons (3-0)+3 : The jury’s back and Matt Ryan’s making his early MVP case. Did I just say that? You can see it coming with just a few more dominating performances. Did I just say that? A relatively easy schedule will aide him.
  6. Cardinals (3-0) +4 : The defense is tearing through assholes (not just Vick) left and right . Their talented defense is making up for the severe deficiencies on offense through three weeks. Biggest jump on the list but it’s only inevitable before something breaks.
  7. Packers (2-1) -4 : Where to begin. You know what happened. It was bedlam. Regardless, Jennings needed to swat the shit out of that ball. The actual story coming out of this game was it’s inexcusable that four DB’s even allowed G. Tate to get a single finger on a Hail Mary. Green Bay. It wasn’t the refs, guys.
  8. Jets (2-1) n/a : With D. Revis now done for the season, this is more of a pity placement more than anything. Still believe the drama will ultimately overshadow them.
  9. Cowboys (2-1) n/a :  Did I ever mention how hard my dick gets when Wilbon goes “How ’bout dem KAH-boys?!”
  10. Bears (2-1) n/a : They’re going to be hovering over the line most of this season. They are definitely a good team… just not that good. Next week when they lose to the Boys, they’ll be snubbed. Fast forward after a Week 5 win over monsters Jacksonville… they’re back on the list. Up and down, classic Cutler.

Notable snubs:

Bengals (2-1) – We’ll play anyone besides the Ravens.  Anyone besides them, please.

Vikings (2-1) – They were on the short list.  Their first two games of the season came down to nail-biters against non-conference opponents. Knocked off last week’s #2 with relatively ease. Something may be brewing here.

Bills (2-1) – The CJ Spiller injury isn’t as much of a set-back as you would think. Let’s not forget they’ve won more games than lost without him in the equation.

Patriots (1-2) – If Tom Brady is healthy and The Hood makes it to the stadium OK, they always have a fighting chance. The reports of the Patriots death have been greatly exaggerated. They’ll make their triumphant return to the Top 10 soon enough.

Eagles (2-1) – Jesus Christ. I’m going to leave it at that for now.

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